Shao Cheng dreams

2005-09-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

2005-08-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

Sunday loneliness

oh..today is sunday.. so as usual, loneliness...... so sianz sia...... no body call...... so early in the morning, message my buddies to ask for companion since darling can't come out......haha...... so we decided to go out around 4 p.m.. ....go arcade.....haha.. so i spend my time playing computer......from morning to three plus then I went out to meet Jing Ren and Shawn.. haha.. its quite a happy day today.. beside some frustrating things....

Something New...

Ok.. there is two things I learnt today..haha.. not academic wise.. is some sort of social skills bah..ahha... Yeah.. I learnt how to play pool finally...so that is the 8th ball game i learnt..ahaha.. all thanks to the great teaching of Shawn..haha.. I picked up the skills quite fast...initially, failed to hit the ball correctly..but after long practice, I got a hand.. and won 2 round..haha... so shiok huh.. the most memorable one is the chip..haha.. I chip the white ball over my opponents ball and hit my ball, it almost went in.. but it just stopped in front of the hole..haha..and also in the first place i am very shy, don't dare to try, but in the end.. i put up my confidence and i start to play le..haha.. now addicted le.... So that is one thing I learnt..haha... i even suggest to play this game after school this coming wednesday, the teacher's day period... The next thing I learnt would be the Daytona, where i finally learnt how to turn and skit the car to make a close turn..haha... also is shawn that teach me.. yeah now i learnt alot le..so happy..haha..

Actually.. I know, to some of you out there, who find me lame to be so happy to learn trival things.. but to me..they are not trival things... I am alway wanted to learn new stuff till the day i die.. so even if is one day that i learnt the secret skill of cleaning a toilet, I will also be happy.....Like what my buddy, shawn had said, no one is a loser.. yeah..

IF I CAN'T THEN I MUST!!!

26 august 2005

2005-08-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

Long long time

haha.. what a long time since i put in my entry huh..haha.. haiz.. so sad..today i shi mian le.. so i decided to put in a entry.. . haha.. actually..alot of things had happend along the course of this long period..haha.. alot

MY everlasting Love

Long Long time ago.. i met my first love, my most important asset, not for sale.....haha.. since now most of them know who is she le.. i think I had nothing to hide either...Ngin An.. my darling.. yeah.. got to crush onto her, due to her some kinds of characteristics.. haha..... yar.. love her very much.. too much.. cannot resist the power of her love..She alter my perception of love, she give me hopes and she coloured my world...no longer a serious and strict guy i am... she is the first girl I dared to confess.. she is the first dream girl of mine.. I can't forget some of the most memorable times we had.... National day, the holiday after National day... the day when i first go to her house.. and just recently when my mummy allow me to go with her...all this makes me very happy and feel like the luckiest guy on this world.....I had reach a stage where i really cannot live without her le.. thats how power is love to me now...now she is sick.. worried for her.. because I really love her..no lies..all truth.. I LOVE HER!!! but sad is..we had a little misunderstanding yesterday....... haiz....but overall i still want her.. still love her.. whether is stupid or not... i rather be stupid and love her...she is going to be my first and everlasting love.....

Personal message.. ....... to <<<<<>>>>: a short and sweet message to u.....Thanks for all the love that you had gave me....You make my life colourful again worx.. gave me hopes...I love you worx darling.. I'll be there fer you.. my everlasting love..lets forget the misunderstanding thingy and continue ....nth is going to end this love...detailed one in my heart ready to show in actions..heex...Love you..ai si ni...

School Life..

yeah.. Mrs Shankar said that I am getting alittle bit cheeky all this days..haha.. which maybe I agree..haha.. since i always twist and turn teacher's words.. together with, Larry, Liang Ping,Honsonn, Eng Teck and Shawn...haha.. so shiok.. of course all this days, I am alittle hardworking... despite sometimes when i day dreamed..haha.....bleh.... thats all...

Friendship...

Shawn, Honsonn, Jing Ren and me.. together we are the 56 team..haha.. of course this three friends are the most valueless assets in my life... yar.. we are all fated to be friends.. we all came from different backgrounds u know, with different values..with different dreams and goal.. but yet we are still together.. best..is that we can read eachother minds.. we know what is respect.. really.. they are still the best friends of mine.. no.. not best friends.. best BUDDIES.. they changed my life... they modernised me.. and if one day if we are really seperated by dreams and goals.. I will never forget these three guys.. who changed my life... Recently.. two new guy joined us.. ah biu and ah shan..haha.. no la..kiddin.. It is the magnificent Nigel and undefeatable derrick..haha. strong characters they had.. they joined us now.... and started their stories with us... they are the best man.. haha..Now we are one gang..we are gangster.. haha. but we are on the justice and white side of a gang..haha.. we dun smoke..we dun drink..we don't hurl vuglarities..purest gang..haha...

Personal Message..<> hey.. guys... I really admired every individual of u guys.. together with all you guys girlfriend.. they make the right choice man.. haha. thanks for all the things you guys had changed in me.. thanks for the times you guys had gave me...

To all...

Love is not somethings that hurt.. is the matter how you juggle it...don't shun love just because of one failure.. don't also let quarrels, misunderstanding be the reason for break ups... love sometimes come with misunderstanding and quarrels too.. all this might make couples stronger.. if each party is willing to give in...
so cherish your love.. Love is no game.. its a battle of life and death....

Friendship is important.. they are brush of your painting..good friendship is vital.. trust..respect is also vital ingredients... so cherish your friends too if they are good...

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly- Langston Hughes

August 06, 2005

2005-08-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

Today

Ok today, woke up pretty late..haha.. my mummy failed to call me up and assume i'm dead..haha.. but however a call from my ahem ahem woke me up..haha.. power of love? maybe..haha..after which friend call. then went out to study, feeling that she is in the central park, then really met her.. haha. so the day to study turn out to be slacking time... haha...then after that..went home...

I am no boy, no ah beng, no stupid boy either.
How would it feel being labelled bad by your own parents..haiz.. today maybe i don't feel very great, likewise for the past two days.. Maybe is the level of maturity? Now i am demanding more freedom from my parents. Honestly i feel very trapped by my own parents.. as i heard so many of my friends, having so many dreams, so inspiring dreams, supported by their parents, i felt so jealous that i simply had no parents like them. My dreams are being shot down, by my own very own parents.. Forced to walk the path they designed for me, I hate that. I want to work and experience the sense of fulfillment, but my parents demand me to give all my earnings to them.. I don't like it....
For the entire childhood life of mine, I had not demand anything from my parents. the handphone i had, was the one they had used for 5 years near the brime of dying. The clothes i wore, are all second hand. Shoes i wore are all below ten dollars.. everything they spent on me are all below ten dollars. and yet I had never ever voice my grief, cause i understand that it is hard to earn money, but they had always scolded me for spending too much money, when everyday i had only took 5 bucks from them and spend onli 4 bucks. SO what is too much and what is too little.. I don't think my parents had a sense of that. Instead they do all that appease my siblings... I don't want anyone to tear my dreams, cause i truly got a dream, what hurts more is that no one recognise my dream, all look down me.. even the people who gave me life...
For so long, I search my happiness alone from outsiders, I search love within myself, search for the small gap to escape from the deadly jail, search for the constructed road to walk on, search for the freedom to dream, freedom to be myself. But all this proved to be short living.. AM I REALLY DESTINED TO HAVE SHORT TERM HAPPINESS?? SHORT TERM SUCCESS?? DESPITE ALL THAT I HAD DONE???? for so long, i treat all this as part of my life, my challenge, my test,haven it ends? it really proved too much to me.. why.. I am nothing, why is so many people challenging me.. why isit when i wan to change, people will mock at me.. WHY WHY WHY...
In the eyes of all nobles, it hides the vision of passion and dreams.. can i have that pairs of eyes too?? it cost really much...

29th June 2005, Friday....

2005-07-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

School Life...

Today, can say that i had spent most of time in the toilet.. haha. this is due to morning symdrome..haha.. nothing to do to her food..ahaha.. her food is nice..haha.. but.. gone to the toilet in a total of 7 times..haha.. after which , alittle bit sleepy.. till now still no moltivation to stay awake..hehe...

After school, preparing to take another mock test for english.. before that, met with someone, had the little 30mins period at the study corner... then took the test..wow..the passage is freaky difficult..aha.. but hopefully i can make it over..as it might served as a moltivation to me....

SJAB...

Went to training today, a pretty sad one.. haiz.. today i only tried to help..but..haiz.. nevermind.. let bygones be bygones.....

If love is to be measured.. my love would be in infinity........

July 26, 2005... Tuesday

2005-07-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

2 more months to O'level...

haha.. actually I had no intention to take note of this..but haiz. there is this corner of my class whiteboard that makes me had no choice but accept the fact that o'level is drawing near.. haiz.... so how prepared am I??? I am really very scared.... haiz...........

July 23, 2005... Saturday

2005-07-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

Lost in dreams....

Today, haha.. suddenly don't feel like waking up..since i had such a nice dream.. so how i wish i will not wake up and live in dreams.. haha.. but after that feels that life will never be the same as it is in the dreams.. so I woke up..So i thought i will be leading an angelic life today.. but it wasn't to be.. early in the morning,opps I mean late in the morning when i am still drifting, My sis give me a mission and that is to go down and buy food since my parents are not around..haiz.. so got to be the maid again, TAKE CARE OF THEM..haiz.. After lunch was another 'chiong' for subjects again. till now.. then touch computer..haha..

Revolution in 4E2....

"BECAUSE OF YOU, THE WE GOT TO MOVE AROUND THE CLASS".. haha.. This is what Honsonn and me sing when we got to change the sitting format of the class due to someone's 'eye' problem... funny eyes.. cannot see diagonally can only see straight.. He is so tall and yet he want to sit in front of the class..blocking the class views.... 'ji bu sai' ar.. so our class siting format was changed... obviously some of them aren't happy.. this plan main purpose is to elimate the wall in our class for everyone's benefits, so sad la.. that crook eyed student got to suffer, he sat at the front acting as though he is hardworking.. but his result is as some orginal students.. he is no excellence in academic either...

Besides this, some of us is also swifted to the back.. some talkative ones are put to the front.. of course they are unhappy. but this plan is really for everyone's benefits.. so hopefully they can understand.. and together 4e2 , we will all score A's for our o'level exams...

BUTCH ELIMINATION PROGRAM

Yar.. yesterday i got the moltivation from some of my classmates to suan the butch up side down... haha.. got help from, Wei Wei, Liang Ping, Wei liang , Derrick and my buddy, HONSONN... This happened during after school when we are having our lunch.. haha actually the main purpose is because i am annoyed and irritated when that stupid butch peeped at Ngin An.. so when Ngin An went away, i started to do it le.. haha.. started when Wei Wei and I shouted.. BUTCH BUTCH BUTCH.. which send her boiling.. as she really hated me cause i had snatch away her 'Girlfriend' haha....the best part was when i shouted to her when she is buying her drinks " hey BUTCH, buy drinks ar, eh no butch allowed here le.." haha.. then when we return plate, Wei Wei shouted "OI BUTCH" ahhaa then she come out and say aloud but not as loud as us in chinese" don't know who so noisy" haha then i throw my plate and turn around and shout aloud" SHUT UP LA.. BUTCH" haha.. then honsonn heard it and laugh and she is like only scold some vulgarities.. haha..

After we went away, we saw her talking to girls, haha.. so I shouted" eh Butch, Flirt ar Flirt.. they girls you butch you know" haha.. when i shouted that, she ignored, but all of us laugh till so loud that the teachers saw us also laugh..haha.. so in remedial... we keep reciting" shut up la butch" haha.. so funny... so now i felt a sense of security as i know my best classmates will help me if that butch want to elimate me.. as no one like butch..haha..

Carried on with Jesper and De Ming after CCA period..haha.. we were like shouting butch and butch so much so some of the SJAB cadets of mine join in..haha.. jesper even created a song' butch is on the table' haha.. when we go we some more shouted, and saw her like so lonely then i go sing lonely..haha.. but after which we had a friendly negociation with her.. hopefully she won't come and harass ngin an again lo.. if she do.. then it would be the last page of this story le....................

2005-07-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

Tired Thursday

Ok..today, freaky tired... very tired.. Had the usual boring lesson.. which in terms i learnt nothing.. so during the literature lesson, finish up my notes on chemistry to keep myself awake... so tired all this days just don't know why....today Mr Sin is absent.. so I decided to 'cabo' Biology remedial.. because the teacher taking over would only make my knowledge about Biology all mixed up.. so made a wise choice with Derrick and HOnsonn.. CABO REMEDIAL... haha.. actually we took a risk to cabo the remedial and liggered around the school compound finding a ball to play..haha NO BALL NO LIFE>..haha....So after which.. I went home.. the first thing i know after i bathe is this thing which all humans will do.. SLEEP...then wake up only to find myself alone at home..haha.. so blogged .. and later go ahead to study le....

Today I learnt something.. somethings we do requires some risk taking... the more risk you take..the more things you would see.. life is short.. the more we risk the more we will understand about life......

HERE IS A QUOTE:

A BAMBOO THAT BENDS IS STRONGER THAN A OAK THAT RESISTS..- JAPANESE PROVERB

my opinion: this quote means that when face with problem, we will be able to solve it if we dare to face it and dare to risk it.. this is why a bamboo bends is stronger... who knows.. this bamboo under great pressure... will still not snap?? rather when we don't dare to face the problem and resist it.. it would mean only more trouble.....

18/07/05... Monday....

2005-07-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

School today..

Ok.. school today nothing much... haha... today i am specially going talk about a butch i know i school... haha.. is stupidly disgusting..dare to steal people's girlfriend don't dare to confront..haiz.. only know how to scold people..haha.. so haiz..haha.. lets not talk about the things why i get into this..IT is a long story..haha..

MY VIEWS ON LESBIAN, GAYS, FAGGOTS and BUTCH...

ok..today i got a special topic to talk about.. about the impurities in our society and also our nature....I wonder how many of us here had notice how sick this world can turn into........ We have more and more homosexual case here in our world... SO WHERE IS THE TRUE LOVE??

To me.. i find it rather funny.. I never look down anyone by size or by physical.. But I BRUTALLY LOOK DOWN AND HATED HORMOSEXUALS!!!.. to me.. nature created us into two kinds of human.. Males and Females, where Males will love the females and vice versa.. never would i accept to have a friend a hormosexual.. gay or lesbian or butch .. whatever they are..haha... TO me.. they are just a disruption in nature law..and had to be changed or eliminated.....

What annoys me is that the hormosexualism is always spreading among the society we are living in, by some nature law breakers..who are inturns heartbreakers to their parents..........

WHY WHY WHY?? why do they want to be hormosexual??? why why why.. being what they are..having what they should have.. isn't that noble?? why why why.. tell me why.. stupid.. I hereby make my stand clear.. hormosexual=nature law breakers......

A great tribute to your parents is to respect what they gave you, to be the real you...

2005-07-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Sunday bookworm...

Today as usual.. books.. I studied my History.. on China..haha.. finished up the mind map le.. haha.. after which I continued my game in 'Rise Of Nation' my game.. I am the government of China.. today i advanced my age..and defeated one of my neighbour.. the Aztec..haha... now i understand how important diplomacy is.. and what is national threat.. because when i defeated this country. the other country started to declare war on me..as they count me and my allied- THREATS OF THE WORLD..haha.. so nice the game..haha.. now i play peace..ahaha......

Will power.. a key to success.....

16 july 2005... saturday

2005-07-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday..another day of books..haha

so today nothing to do.. so at home i studied all the way..till six plus then i decided to use the computer..to give myself a break...listen to music..relax down.. then chat on phone..then chat online..then thats my day...

My characters are conflicting...

haiz.. my characters are conflicting.. my helpful side and my selfish side are conflicting.. haiz....save me....

A thousand years of loneliness

Someone asked me once,"Shao Cheng, are you afraid of loneliness??", my answer is , not.. haiz.. today i listen to this song, yi qian nian yi hou...got one part of the song it sings "you shui neng ren shou yi qian nian de zi mou" shd be like this bah... to me.. I am not scare of loneliness.. sometime in my life.. i had a feeling that i am borne to be lonely and to roam this world on my own two feets.. But sometime i also like to have friends also lo...

There are no miracle in this world.. we are miracles ourselves... There are no miracles but there are wonders and we can create one.. If we can't then we must.... I am creating my wonder.. are you??

July 14 2005, Thursday

2005-07-14T23:47:00.000-07:00

SCHOOL.. I AM GETTING TO LOVE MATHS NOW...

haha.. today is another fighting day, study study study, but haiz.. still very sleepy le..haha... but i had change my attitude towards a subject that i had used to hate it so much that i keep failing it..haha.. Now suddenly i get an affection on this subject, and is geting to love it more and more..haha That subject would be no other than, MATHEMATICS...

Don't ask me why, its just appears that i enjoy doing maths now..haha

WHAT SHIT. ACCUSE my PEOPLE???

Today i got a shocking news..from sharon mdm.. one of the teacher accused one of my NCO, Jing Ren for stealing the kidney dish.. for your information, kidney dish is a kind of bowl which resemble the shape of a kidney, which is normally used to serve as a control of the amount of anticeptics we used on wounds and many many other usage in which if i list down, would be very long.....

Yar back to topic, MY Logistic steals kidney dish?? no logic.. the information i got is that the kidney dishes were missing last week!! LAST WEEK!! ladies and gentlemen, my batch of NCO had step down for 3 months already, but yet we are accused for such things!!! furthermore, we are forced to step down even before we are designed to.. which is so unfair for us!!man, suddenly SJAB become a place where corruption and injustice prevails..haiz.haiz.....we had some idiots who have the characters of ARROGANCE in the top of SJAB.. WE GOT PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW what is SJAB are for..haiz...

FURTHERMORE, kidney dish is only about $1 plus, for what Jing REn steals?????? FUnny sia... if i want i also want to steal things that are more expensive..this shows that some people in SJAB who call themselves LEADERS OR JUSTICE!! when they anyohow jumped into conclusion without investigations!!We also got DOGS OF injustice leaders who only know how to talk cock and do nothing except writing on the white board that is relevant to the stupid conclusion made.....

Whether or not, i am ready to help this NCO or Friend of mine, Jing Ren to solve this problem, I got witness i got evidence enough to show that he is innocent and no one in my batch is guity!!

A thousand and one changes in my beloved CCA- SJAB

3 months away from SJAB affairs, wow it changed alot... alot .. far more.. man..... but not better, BUT WORSE!!!!!... here are some of the things that are different from last time and now...there are too much to list..haiz...

Last time, my batch discussed and understood the need for us to unite, the need of us to be better than the cadets, and we MADE IT!! we understood the basic that Cadets are different from NCO.. therefore they need different trainings.. Cadets need trainings that boost their skills, knowledge and interest in SJAB,.. NCO need trainings that enhance their leadership, test their level of tolerance.. thats it.. WE CAN'T TAKAN THE CADETS TOO MUCH, WE CAN'T INSULT THE ABLILITY OF THE CADET, thats because, they are here to learn, of course they don't have the level of tolerance that NCO got......... furthermore, the takan basis in NCO course is to bring out one key value of leader which is tolerance, but under cadet wise, its not tolerance that we want of bring out from them, what we want from them is interest, potential and the sense of belonging.. only if when cadets got all this, then they are ready to be the leaders of SJAB.. among all, only fews can be leaders, training leaders isn't easy, so why should we force people to be leaders, or should we inspire them to be leaders.. thats what i personally thinks and had also been a key to me to have a effective trainings...

But now, in SJAB, this is one major problem.. NCOs regards takan as FUN!, not all but some.. yar it is fun, but we must have limits. but there is no limit now to this thing call takan, and so many of them are so moltivated by this word takan.. now maybe some had change, but is only one of them who had not change....

Now even the whiteboard which my batch used to have meetings had now become a sign in and out board!!.. with these pathetic words that will only reflect the absence of trust among students and teachers, where corruption falls in.. " PLEASE SIGN IN WHENEVER YOU STEPPED INTO THIS ROOM.. ANY LOSS IN THE ROOM WILL BE SHARED AMONG THE PEOPLE WHO HAD SIGN IN" haiz... stupid man.. then the person who write this herself had also come into this room, but also didn't see her name, should i say that the kidney dishes are stolen by her?? opps.......... thats it...

SJAB day would be the most stupid one, that is the only day when i refuse to recognise that those people that are in white are SJAB members.. supposing to be our day, but shared with some cca which is 2 times bigger than us....surrounded by people in green..when it is suppose to be OUR DAY!!... worse still, teachers are not there to stand beside the contingents..so the question is, why is the teachers giving up even before people under them are still fighting hard to keep SJAB name???? WHY WHY WHY... there are thousand and one things that shows that...which is a paranoid... haiz....

Before my batch leave SJAB, the strength is 30++, but after that when the new ones come in.., it had been slash half!!..what a waste of my and my batch effort to bring back SJAB to its feet!!...now, cadets feared to come to training as they get scolding for no reasons, cadets don't feel like coming as SJAB looks like a figure head among all CCAs.. Cadets don't feel like coming to SJAB as they don't feel a sense of belonging... haiz.....

Well, I had stepped down, I AM no longer the chairperson, my power is near zero now.. the least i can do is to stand aside and voice my grievance to people in power.. they are new, i don't blame them, there are things that they are still going through..

Perhaps maybe that is what i should say to the sec 3s NCOs, if they have the chance to read or i'll tell them in person:

NCOs: Being a OC or IC in SJAB would be almost like being the prime minister or president of a country, as the ability of the leader to moltivates his/her followers are vital......... in every successful countries like USA, CHINA, BRITAIN,JAPAN,KOREA and even our own country, Singapore.. our leaders are able to give us a sense of belonging, let us feel happy living in the country, the sense of security.....

Like wise in SJAB, how the cadets feels after every single trainings is also very vital.... whether we can let them understand that they are from SJAB, persuade them that they are the best, persuade them that they we do things for their good.. NOT to takan them and make them feel lousy!! takan is a way to maintain discipline, but takan must also have limits.. how we takan also will affects the cadets morale....

like in a country, parliament is there to hold assemblies.. to make decision in the country.. like wise in SJAB, SJAB room would be our parliament, make major decision there, peacefully, and not SHOUTING ACROSS EACHOTHER!!....

So i shall end with this::: A great leader is a leader who has the abililty to persuade his people he is their leader.....

July 10, 2005... Sunday

2005-07-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday Life

ok.. today nothing much..as usual, i will sleep till very late..haha...ok.. today i spent my afternoon in front of the computer changing my studying schdule.. haiz... thanks to the school plans so I had to change.my plan also...haiz.. the school now... have a full day plan.. Everyday, i will have remedial all the way to 4.30.. which is so freaking tired.. so whenever i reached home, i will be no much different from dead meat.. then there is no chance for me to continue studying...so for the whole week.. the only sub i managed to study is Biology and history..... the only subject i benefited from the remedial would be Maths...haiz....

So now i changed my schdule, from each day study 2 subjects.. now is one day one.. only friday to saturday, i study subjects that need alot of memory..like history, social studies and Chemistry..hehe...

Humpf..daddy don't let me change spects...

haiz. my spect is now very blur..so want to change..but my daddy say only the lens spoil.. so dun change frame..only change lens..haiz....nevermind...

7th July 2005, Thursday

2005-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

YeAH YeAh...

Ok, this is about 2 days ago, but somehow it slip off my mind.haha. FINALLY FINALLY i pass my army pull up.. finally.. now i know what is my problem here.. is not that i had no strength, is my mind set that set me to fail this thing previously...Now i get it.. and i did it.. haha.. Finally there is a will for me to pull myself up the bar..haha..

My Ice Age...

Maybe is the life of books.. so far, everyday is just books, after school is striaght home, little online chatting, little music, little talking, little jokes.. all this might had led to my world's second ICE AGE...My lands are covered by thick snow of sorrow... my oceans freezed, animals perished... my life is so damn cold.. no feeling.. Because of Olevel, i find myself more and more selfish also, now everything i did is like towards my benefits..haiz.. Whatever that can make my life warmer...

Ages come and go.. can i survive my ice age....??

5th July 2005, Tuesday

2005-07-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

Youth Day

Youth day is not at all youthful to me yesterday, books all the way.. so distracted, studied Russia History, SO LONG... till now i haven't finish the chapters.. haiz....

FIVE HOURS OF MATHS PRATICE

Haiz. today stressful, times running out for me, so pratice and pratice, but is not willingly. is forced to. the teacher is sick, expect us to finish 20 probability questions which is so quite new to us by 30mins.. sick sick sick.. now i had serious headache...But when reached home, still continued to study Russia History, in the end, cannot take it..so now still having headache...I had still lots to cover le.. haiz haiz haiz

SJAB

haiz.. there is a training today, but its like so strange, I peeped, nope, actually watch the training, haiz.. very sad.. suddenly don't feel like joining in the training...Its hard to express myself in words now..The squad, getting smaller and smaller.. now sjab strength only 16++ appro.. haiz.. so sian one.. Teachers did nothing.. see me like see pest.. see any sec 4 oso like this.. haiz..... fine.. fine fine......

The Moltivation course worked for me, But parents?haiz..

the moltivation course had really worked for me to work hard, but my parents is now hoping more.. beside stress that I had, their demands are puting in more stress to me now.. As the course had promised them a total change of me.. Now my father wanted changes of me from morden to tradition.. 2 days ago, i refused to go out with them as i wanted to study at home, but my father railed at me, he questioned me how much i changed, he said he thought that the course will make me listen to everything they say. That word everything had really showed what they wanted from me.. haiz haiz haiz... my father expected me to study without coming out, I had been this way for 2 days le, but iI really cannot take it anymore..

3rd July 2005, Sunday

2005-07-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

Sunday, home all the way...

Ok.. today nothing to do much also, another homework day..haha.. for the first time i do my homework.. maybe is the fear of o'level that keep me going..Initially my'try my best' is kind of a lie, but now this fear really make me try my best now..haha..Ok, so I completed my English homework today, I practiced the speed reading i learnt during the three day moltivation workshop, and it works.. hey IT WORKS.. so good.. haha.. in the past i can only finish my compre homework in 2 hrs..but now, i only took 45 mins.. yeah!... but also cannot too happy..cause i don't know how it fair yet..

Beside that, I also done my maths.. the topic is on probability.. beside doing it, I also had study and revise on this chapter.. till now, I am still attached to this probabiity thingy.. now even my mummy also say i siao le.. cause i walk out and keep saying abouy probability.. I almost fall down just now and hit the glass table, my mummy called me to be care ful, but i replied' the probability for me to fall and hit this glasstable is only 1/10..'haha. then my irritating sister give me a stupid look..haha..

The only and only game i played today is F-18 operation of Iraq.. haha.. I still cannot resist the pilot in me.. I still like to play this kind of fighter game..haha..

Friends come and go??but true friends come and stay

2nd July 2005, saturday

2005-07-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

Today at home..
ok, today i had my day full at home.. I decided not to go out.. so I had my day doing Maths- Probabilites and reading my Literature text- Twelve night.. Today actually is SJAB day, there is a carnival held in Hq.. My juniors asked me along and so is my parents.. But i chose not to go instead i spend my days at home doing homework.haha..
Ok, I am full advancing towards o'level..
my favourite pictures of the nature.. I AM A NATURE LOVER

27 June 2005, Monday..

2005-06-27T23:41:00.000-07:00

School Reopen..

Hey..actually to be honest, today don't seems to be like a school day to almost all of us.. we still feel like we are in holidays man..haha.. Just one question man, why is the time flying so fast?? why?? man, how i wish i can turn back time..haiz.. but it is impossible..

I am Gifted so are you..haha..

Ok today is a special day, no school, no textsbook, but jokes all the way..haha.. from 8a.m to 9 p.m. haha we are in for this course.. haha.. I had learnt alot throught this course.. one of the things i learnt which i think is very interesting would be this thing, 'Event + Respone= Outcome' haha.. this really is interesting, how you reacted to an event would really come to a either good or bad outcome.. and also there is this thing where it says that our mind is actually linked with our body(Rubbish, of course la) ok what i mean is our emotions is also got to do with our body, our gestures our eyes and so on, together with our thoughts.. If you think you are sad, of course your body will show signs and symptom of sadness..This is also a cycle, if your mind is full of negative thoughts, then your body will also show negative signs, then it will cycle back again, and that is why people who suffer depression finds it difficult to get out of this cycle, course their mindset is negative..haha.. Thats all i think i remember what the instructors said, so it might be abit wrong here and there..haha...

Finally they show us a Movie, Rocky 3..nice.. it shows alot.. it shows how this boxer face his fears and setbacks after losing his title as a world champion.. Initially he keep thinking of all the negative stuff but he end up geting weaker, its like suddenly he feels that he can't get back to the ring anymore, and he said the truth, he is afraid...., not only when his wife scolded him to senses, then he faces his fears and failure, he changed his strategy.. and he eventually won the title back in the end...Well the course ended with this comment made by, its ok to have fears, everyone have fears, but its whether we choose to face our fears and overcome it.. wow, i can tell you, this really impact me.. as i am a guy full of fear.. I afraid of thousand and one thing in my life man, but I just like to act tough till my friends thought i am really tough..haha..actually I am not..and i am telling the truth...And this thing, they called us to reflect on, 'eyes of a tiger' what is that, its a eye full of passion, we can't do things with this thing passion.. yar.. quite useful..haha..

Well, this course really gives me alot of moltivation, well thats why it is a moltivation workshop, at least it moltivates me, if not, wow, i am so going to 'suan' this course man..haha.. But like what Amin says, actions speaks more than words, Moltivated is one thing, but its just whether I choose to do the next step or not, which is action..Ok going to have two more days of workshop.. the final comment will come 2 days later.. haha...

I love myself I love myself I love myself.. high self-esteem..haha.. thats what i learn in the course also..learn to love myself..haha...

2005-06-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING

Hey, sorry for the taggy problem, I am trying my best to solve it.. sorry...REAL SORRY..got real serious comment, e-mail me at- seah_1989@hotmail.com

Today at home.. Do the last bit of homework

ok since I am not going out today so I had my last bit of homework to finish..but I lazy, I play while playing.. opps. its not lazy, is naughty..haha.. I am the naughty one at home..but at least I did more than other days...OK I played this game FIFA 2005 today, YEAH!! I done with my third season and had been promoted to 3 star manager,and I changed my club into Real Madrid, a football club in Spain...and also i got one new song today, 'everlasting love' I am so addicted to that song now..haha..

Ok so here's one bad news..tommorrow school reopen..haiz..then it would be some weekly blog entries only..haiz..

INITIAL D...nice movie

Ok I had not blog about this..haha.. ITs about yesterday when I had a movie session with three people..not people, friends.. ahaha.. One is my buddy, Jing Ren, then is Wai Yin and Jie Ni...haha.. so we went to watch this movie called Initial D, starring Jay Chou..haha... its a show about street racing..I enjoyed this movie very much...

This movie is about a young man, who learn how to skill in driving in this mountain in japan just by sending 'tofu' up and down the mountain. He drove at the age of 14.. he set off from his father shop at 4.00a.m..at first he took 2hours to come back, then slowly by one years he came back at 4.30..which is only 30 mins, he speed his way...His father is a drunkard so he forced him to send goods at night. Once he wanted to get home fast to sleep, so he had a little accident and all the tofu is smashed.. so his father was very angry and put a cup of water in his car, demand him not to even have a spill.. at first it took him 2 hours..but soon, it only took him 15 minutes to come home.. which is amazing as he is only 16 years old!!he act like a nothing boy in school..haha one part i like the most is this guys dad was asked this question, your son is not normal? is he? then he reply, Did I say that my son is normal, then this guy do funny action inside his car before the race starts..haha..ok, btw this guy is acted by Jay Chou..

But the ending like alittle bit too sad.. This guy which i forget the name, but he is acted by Jay Chou, he won multiple street race, but he just found out that his girlfriend, someone who he loved the most actually went on bed with some body else..aww. very sad, if its me, I will also feel the same, its like what the chinese said, dai liu mao, wear green cap..haha...

Ok after the movie, jing ren's idea, we walked home..then special mission send the two girls home, then we were at honsonn void deck chatting with honsonn..haha... then thats it for the movie day..And er.. your flirting skill not bad huh??ahaha..kidding..

Personal message....

Jing Ren: hey pal thanks for asking me out for this great movie..hey.. any moltivation or inspiration to drive and speed??haha. well lets just speed bicycles since its still long before we can drive..haha...

Jie Ni: hey man, this girl if i didn't see in person for long i still don't know she very cool le..haha.. hey.. speaking from my heart..haha.. I happen to see the way you sit when you are watching the movie..haha.. very cool, got style..good..haha...but you like quite irritated by some noise beside you during the movie hor..haha..shh shh...nice to go out with you

Wai Yin: haha what to say, you are as usual, 'peng peng tiao tiao' de..haha..meaning jump here jump there, as usual displaying your cuteness is your carreer and talent for now..haha..and as usual, you laugh as loud as you can in the cinema..hahah!!haha.. but heard you had just irritated Jie Ni in the cinema so much so you guys change alot seats..haha..but real happy to go out with you...

To all those that hate their names: respecting your name would be the same as respecting yourself...Respect yourself and people around you before you get your respect...
Sir Francis says:Discourage leads to disappointment, dissappointment leads to doubt, Doubt leads to failure

June 24, Friday

2005-06-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

A pen mighter than a sword...

Ok..this quote from my buddy, Honsonn.. it came after we had decided to go on a 'peacekeeping mission'....But its not just for this mission, but every single mission in my life.. whether the trouble applied to me or anybody else... Yar.. true.. pen mighter than a sword..meaning when face with conflict with others, we should talk and talk and talk, settle peacefully.. that would resemble a pen, pen to talk and write... settle peacefully instead of hostile.. meaning when someone hostile you, you mutual it back, that is a no no.. this action would resemble a sword, that will penetrate through one's heart, causing everlasting pain and a never heal wound.. although i am a pro-military guy, but i believe in solving things peacefully..sword is a heartbreaker, peaceful and convincing words is a door to everlasting love and peace..

Personal Message: honsonn thanks for this quote, its in my collection now..haha...

I had a timed bomb in me...but i will defuse it by hook or by crook...

Ok, today, I decided not to turn up for SJAB training.. for three reason.. One, I had to finish up at least half of my maths homework, second, in fact my presence is very unruled.. its the sec 3s turn to shine and show, not mine.. so i go there is also not too nice.. third, MY LEG IS STILL ACHING due to my journey home, at the same time, i had not sleep ytd night, so i am a little sleepy today, furthermore, my energy was drained up yesterday, due to the scolding session I gave yesterday..

.yar, let me spend more time to say what happen yesterday, yar, I went back to training yesterday, to settle some unhappiness.... but it turnout to be a unhappiness to me too..Was so boiled by the performance of some Cadets! and one NCO... haiz.. actually I am here to peacemaker, but the performance is there to make me an aggressor only...When my batch is still around,thats not the performance, reply was a deafening one, banging was a short and sweet one, footdrill was an impressing one, but now!! after so long of break, it all falls like london bridge.. initially, i thought the sec 3s NCOs anger and takan was far much that spoil their morale... But yesterday, I join the usual anger with the sec 3s...We fall out the comp team, what we are left i thought was the just nice lot, but to my shock! they are the defaulters.. So i was sitting down there observing, NCOs shouted,'clear!' but the reply was like as though ants are shouting to the tip of their voice, at first, i thought maybe their tired, but i saw it through when their break come, very energentic, after falling back, more and more reported sick, by the side, playing!!..omg...

Initially i promised to be neutral, not to vent my anger on them, but i also promised the cadets, if their performance is not up to my standard, i will join the Sec 3s NCO in takaning them... and i really did, and i raise my voice at them after the PT session the sec 3s gave them, cause it is simply too much, they take my promise as granted.. i start off when i see the sec 3s giving them changes from chruches to pumping position, the NCOs gave them slowly, and they take it slacky,so i cannot take it, i gave them a fast and immediate one.. then i ask them to recover and my loud and angry nagging started.. this is the first time the sec 1s see me in such a bombing action.. but i told them,' my batch NCOs, your sec 3s NCO treat you good, doesn't mean we have no temper and expectation to you all, don't you make me loss my temper again...'then bla bla bla, kevin, ahmad and Shi yong, alternately continued.. well, they had a real hard time..but they have no right to complain, because, my batch and i'm sure the current batch expectation to them is that, do first before you complain... i'm sure the expectation is that... furthermore, the worse they had today is not the worse, we had trainings that can leave us paralyse for 2 days at least.. so there is no way they should report sick so easily...

I also told them, 'since you like to fake sick, then i will now barred you guys from reporting sick,faint? go ahead, i'm a first aider i can save you, so don'y..." wow.. saying that, still no change.. ARGH!! in the end it really drive me to no way.. so generally i am very BOILED that day, but what to do, good NCO don't get overboiled.. thats what i had to tell myself..!! I was literally tired and energy drained out that day, i reach home and was really unable to open up my eyes and slept for quite a long time... till today...so the next day, i was in no condition to go training le...

Personal Message(to NCOs): differ between cadets and NCO is inportant, cause both require different trainings and different level of understanding..

(to Cadets): Smile from NCOs and Officers are not their weakess point, we have daggers hidden in smiles, so don't think that we are giving in to you no matter what.. we had our expectation on you.. and last but not least, do before you complain, but complain reasonably...

Backstabbed!!

Today, i did my maths homework..and I was in front of this computer playing FIFA 2005, hitting and trashing my opponent.. I used Newcastle United, but I had intended to change to Real Madrid, as I am qualified le..so I decided to join that team...play til half way, my brother told me something, he told me to be careful of the people that is around me.. well perhaps readers of this blog might think that I am taking and believing something rootlessly.. well i can tell you frankly, I will trust this particular source of information as he had no reason to insult me on the topic that i was backstabbed, furthermore, we are in no fued, what for...ok, not fit to be OC? not fit to be anything else??? tell me man, I am a guy with broad heart and shoulder to stand blows, tell me..?

Well, I don't mind people backstabbing people, but if you think you can me so much better than me and you are showing me in your action, well your backstab i can take it.. but if you act like a bloody coward infront of me, bow so low infront of me, and you still dare to back stab me.. haiz.. very dissappointed, i also don't want to bring out names here.. but those backstabbers are front my SJAB... In my days as a NCO trainee and my days as a NCO instructor, I am so convinced that there is no full support in this world, just like no one is perfect.. In a country there are rebels, in the parliaments there are objection, so therefore your hatred and disagreement i can understand, and of course i am not going to attempt to change your thinking, but will take it as a turbo force to drive me forward...

For the first backstabber:hey you know what, I don't 'suan' people upside down with no base, you go ahead and go find out what is it that you are lacking in that make me so moltivated to 'suan' you.. but one clue, ask yourself, What you THINK NCO IS FOR~!!

For the second and final backstabber: I can understand your arrogance, but please do not bloodsuck me if you think i am not good!! because, you make me look like a fool..total fool, very dissappointed.. but its ok, I'll not hate you all.. and will not attempt to counter destroy you all.. but one piece of advice here, understand what is appreciation to people that once help you, backstabbing that person can real show your true colours.. and future is yours if you choose the right path..you guys should ask you all, I help you guys once at least, but all i get is your backstabbing comments..haiz...

All right, again clarification, I am not taking all this things without any thinking, but is that I feel that the person that pass to me this info, is a guy of great dignity and trustworthy..and furthermore, i see no harm in him... but I choose not to hate you all or choose not to counter destroy you all doesn't mean i don't mind this!!

Question i asked today: so how many people around me deserve my help, my care and concern??..If I care and help, will i be labelled as a busybody??.. or a more sensitive one, will i get the help back when i need it??

22nd June 2005, Wednesday

2005-06-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

Today, stuck at home.. slack......

ok.. as usual today, woke up real late.. actually want to sleep somemore..but thanks to the digging and drilling downstairs.. kill my mood to sleep...Hate it man.. keep drilling.. why not go drill their ass at least no noise ar.. opps.. sorry alittle bit violent and vulgar here..haha.. so i played for a while, do homework for a while and back here chatting..haha. thats the end of my day.. I had not much today..thats why i call it slack..haha..

Whats up tommorrow..

Ok.. tommorrow, i am requested back to help in SJAB..i was thinking, yeah a good reason to study out too..haha..since sometime i am lazy to even step out of my house..haha..thats why i can't study at home due to the noise..and can't get out because i am lazy to do so..aha...hopefully.. tommorrow will be a very efficient day...

What Is Love??

Kk after seeing Jing Ren, my buddy's MSN nick.. I think i am here to explain le..haha.. what he ask in the nick is something that many people are asking, especially teenagers around my age...Love.. hmm. there are thousand and one kinds of love.. er... sorry too exaggearating.. is only 5 kinds of which i can think of.. First one, Kins love, love between family members and relatives. Second one, friendship love, strong friendship where each party is there for eachother.. Third, collegue love, love between working companions.. , fourth, Boss and Employee love, love between employer and employee which allow them to work in harmony..The Fifth one, the most complicating one, the most of which we teenagers are very pron to, also something which make thousand and one parents in Singapore worried about and is something that alot of people are craving for, lovers love...between a male and a female from different backgrounds, and thats i think is the love that Jing Ren is talking about..haha..

Love is a very noble thing, but yet a very complicated and dangerous one.. This kind of love can also be classified as sacrificing love.. It requires both sides sacrifice, as both side are from different backgrounds.. grow up in diffirent environment, so therefore there are real many things that both side are different...so it needs sacrifices from both side, to accept what is that of the other party, only that, can a love called true love...

Love comes in after trust, affection, sacrifice and willingness.. Both parties should trust eachother, if you don't trust your girlfriend/boyfriend,then thats not love, maybe consider breaking.. this kind of love will only lead to both sides hurt....not trying to be a couple breaker, but it is true... Love must also consist of affection, no affection between eachother, how can we say that it is love, if a boy loves a gal but the gal don't love the boy, then that is not mutual affection, and this is also some kind of relation which leads to nothing but heartbreaks... Love lastly consist willingness, you must willingly love the other party, the other party should also willingly love you, forced love leads to no happiness, perhaps thats why they say, Love can't be forced.. what i mean is, you can't love that person just that person say he or she loves you.. thats a no no...I say that because I know people like that, and i don't know how to due with such people..Last but not least, have a faithful and everlastinglove, not blind, selfish and short term love.. take away your own life just because of a dishornoured love is a stupid and foolish action....SO TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE STILL SAD ABOUT BREAK UPS, whether for good or bad reason, stop thinking about it, if this break up is force then let fate bring it back, if this break up is due of a particular sorry reason, then just don't let it stop your proceeding....

Last but not least, for all kinds of love.. Love is blind and know no boundaries.. Love is a daring act and a noble one.. Love is a big thing, it is capable of changing one's life for good or bad..Love can be your life angel and can also be your world destroyer...And love speaks more in action than in words, we don't have to hang the three sensitive words to show how much we love someone, action speaks more than word.. remember that?

Thats what to me is love, different people will have different kind of thinking about what is love.. I am a kind of person who appreciate noble love, so i don't really believe in having multiple steadies..furthermore, I am a fail in this thing call Love, perhaps that is also why I am not craving for it, to me it should happen naturally. Who knows? I might grow up to be a single, haha.. No one cares, only my mother and father who care about my family's next generation..haha..wrapping up, if my idealogy crash with yours, please don't feel offended, as my idealogy may not be 100% towards your..so don't get angry, if want discuss with me, I am glad to do so :P...

Personal Message to love cravers and lovers...(my buddy version)

Jing Ren: hey Jing Ren, my friend.. well I know my words aren't influential, but i got to tell you something.. hey.. let love come naturally... Remember I asking you what happen if a girl suddenly say she want to stead with you??and your answer is go for it.. Perhaps ya, it is nothing to you, but as a friend i think you should not do that.. you will only bring in more enemies this way...and nowadays suddenly your nick like all about love one, haha.. rest assure la,pal, your true love will turn out one day, learn to love yourself, don't crave for love and it will come..

Honsonn and Jie Ying: hehe, da sao and da ger, haha I think you all are the most loving couples i ever know le..haha..so i should not say..haha..But one thing must say, I can see a great future in you two, REMEMBER TO INVITE ME IF YOU TWO REAL GET MARRIED..hehe.. haha.. if you all can find me then say bah

Shawn and Sueh Li: the earliest couple around me..haha.. you all last so long, and is still lasting.. good good..haha... :P

hey... sorry ar, I am not trying to act as a Love specialist or what.. but I am just voicing my opinion, since I am out of ideas what to write for today..haha...

Everlasting love, I only love nature and freedom..haha.......

21 June 2005, Tuesday

2005-06-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

The day of frustration

Ok, not quite in the mood for today as I am really really hating myself today..haiz.. WHY MUST I BE SO LAZY.. haiz haiz.. every time when I wanted to sit down and do my real revision it just won't last long..haiz.. SICKENING and FRUSTRATING...

Get my Ez-Link done today...

YEAH, finally finally finally, I get my Ez-Link Card, you know how much trouble can there be without this card which appear useless but actually very useful..haiz.. finally.. ok.. actually I don't feel like going out today, was really forced up by my mother who wanted me to get things done..She used the word 'lazy pig' to describe me..haiz..

Today, I woke up making a din out in my room, I woke up, throwing my blanket and pillow around, bang my bed..haha. This is because I am really really very tired and sleepy, but my mum keep dragging me up..haha.. I really can hardly open my eye this morning, I bang and bang and bang the bed and gone back to sleep..haha.. then woke up and start banging around till i reach the batheroom..haha..My dad took my mum and me there, opps.haven't say where..well he took us to Pasir Ris, thats where I had my Ez-Link card replaced..haha..When we reach there, a bad news, got to wait for 1 HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. so no choice, i accompany my mother go shopping, haiz.. white sand..sian le....Now suddenly I hate myself..haiz. once again i can't resist this thing call computer..haiz..

BAD NEWS..

haiz.. school reopening.. I AM NOT READY!!!!!!!!!haiz.. tell me why tell me why, I AM SO SLEEPY ALL THIS DAY.. haiz haiz.............................................................................................................................................